For many people,my mother fuck sex in house x video the New Year is a fresh chance to ditch habits that don't serve them. It's often also paired with new aspirations tied to self-improvement or behavior change.
On social media, this unique season often revolves around a vague but familiar idea—setting an intention.
Just how one does this varies from person to person. Some TikTok users swear by (and sell) intention candles and journals. Others make it simpler by advising their followers to set an intention and repeat it regularly, sometimes multiple times a day.
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But the high stakes and newfound motivation can be a trap for people who set an unrealistic intention for themselves.
Consider the person in debt who's determined to get rich within a year's time. Or the erstwhile runner who decides to complete a marathon by the spring. While these may be worthy goals, it's unlikely that they're the right ones to set, given the change they require.
Dr. Richard J. Davidson, founder of the nonprofit organization Healthy Minds Innovations, Inc., says successful intention-setting involves a few important factors. These include understanding your aspirations, identifying manageable steps to make them a reality, and adopting self-compassion as you navigate the natural ups and downs of behavior change.
"I think one of the most important things about intention is to be realistic and kind with ourselves," Davidson says.
An intention is an opportunity for "awakening"
Davidson, who has spent his career studying the effects of meditation on the brain, thinks of an intention as the "conscious representation of a future goal."
To some, this might sound like a New Year's resolution. But an intention often implies something deeper, like an urge to shift one's mindset, not just change everyday behavior.
In this sense, Davidson says that an intention can be as straightforward as practicing gratitude or connecting with your purpose, which can have positive effects.
In research that Davidson previously conducted, school teachers who spent a few minutes each morning reflecting on their purpose as educators felt the benefits of doing so.
"When people do that, they report that it's like an elixir for their soul," Davidson says. "It really helps to restore their vitality and navigate the adversities that they face."
Simple exercises like this, which help people remember or imagine their deepest intentions, can provide opportunities for "awakening," he adds.
Davidson does say that people should be skeptical of those who charge you to set an intention. Similarly, he recommends exercising caution when encountering scientific claims about intention-setting online, because the person expressing them may not understand or may misrepresent scientific research. (The Healthy Minds app, which offers content on behavior change, is available for free, and has been the subject of peer-reviewed studies.)
You can set an intention any time, anywhere
The new year brings big expectations for many, along with anxiety about properly taking advantage of a clean slate. Davidson warns against believing that your life needs to look a certain way before you set an intention. In fact, waiting for the perfect combination of factors can have the opposite effect by holding you back from being able to change.
By contrast, flexibility can help someone encode an intention in their brain and be able to access it regardless of the circumstances. So while it might not feel ideal to set an intention during a stressful period, it may make it easier to remember it when things are calmer.
"In order to make an intention become repeatable and have it turn into a new habit, it's important to be able to do it in different contexts," Davidson says.
Make your intention realistic
Social media is full of promises that you can manifest your grandest dreams if you set the right intention, in just the right way. This approach may very well lead to a "failure experience" depending on the goal and the steps someone takes to achieve it, Davidson says.
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What you want is to choose a reasonable intention. So if you hope to become rich one day, perhaps start by first setting the intention to pay off and avoid new debt in the coming year.
Also try thinking of an intention as the first of many nesting dolls. In order to achieve a broader goal, you'll likely need to take smaller steps toward it.
You can set an intention to align your career with your purpose in the new year, but that will require setting related goals on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis. This could mean volunteering for a nonprofit you admire and developing new professional skills related to that purpose. It could also involve simply connecting with that purpose every day for a few minutes, like the school teachers did in Davidson's study.
Keep revisiting your intention
Davidson says the brain can become habituated to a new goal if you continue to revisit it. Writing it down, saying it aloud, or otherwise reflecting on it every day is a good strategy. Integrating rituals, like lighting a candle or playing a specific song, into this process can be helpful, too.
However, the brain also craves novelty. Davidson says that if your interest in an intention is flagging, you might need to switch up how you engage with the intention. You can try writing a new version, reciting it at a different time of day, or pairing it with a new ritual.
Be kind to yourself if you forget your intention
You will naturally forget an intention, even if you've worked hard to build a streak revisiting it every day. It may have slipped your mind on a particularly stressful day or during a bout of illness. This is normal and not something to punish yourself over, Davidson says.
When this happens, he says it's important to practice self-kindness, then move on. These moments can also be an opportunity to learn about what distracts you from an intention, or discourages you from starting over the next day. Take that information to make necessary changes that will help you succeed.
"We all fail at these things; it's not anything to be ashamed of," Davidson says. "We need to be kind and patient with ourselves."
Topics Health Mental Health Social Good