After seven years,phimmatxa I was done with dating apps.
OK, I wasn't. Who was I kidding? I'm not an extrovert, and I write about sex and dating for a living. My "done" with dating apps didn't look like deleting my accounts or chucking the apps in a figurative trash can. But I was done relying on dating apps alone.
I didn't know at the time how true this would end up being, or that another social media platform would be the catalyst.
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Online dating sans dating apps
It was 2021, COVID restrictions had begun to lift, and I was ready to meet a steady partner. I was 27 years old and had been on dating apps since my study abroad semester in London in 2014, when I only knew a handful of people in my program. Years later, living in New York City with a support system around me, I had no excuse. It was time to get creative and try something new.
SEE ALSO: Tinder's top dating trends and predictions for 2025At the beginning of the pandemic, I watched a lot of YouTube and discovered Kurtis Conner, a comedian who was going on tour in October. Knowing Conner's style of online engagement, this was a chance to get a date somewhere other than "the big three": Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble. Instead, I scooped two tickets to one of his Manhattan shows.
At the time, Conner frequently replied to and retweeted his fans on Twitter (it was still Twitter back then!). If I didn't find someone to ask out IRL, I'd tweet at the social media-savvy comedian to help me find a date to his sold-out show.
As the introvert I am, I didn't find a date IRL. It was time for the next stage of the plan: tweeting.
"Is this even a good idea?" I asked my friends. I felt vulnerable tweeting that I was looking for a date, let alone having my plea retweeted by someone with millions of followers. But my friends assured me the plan was solid. With risk comes reward.
A week before Conner's show, I tweeted:
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A few minutes later, a message popped up in my inbox: "Omg I'm so invested in this now (also I am free but I assume u have 7,000 applicants at this point)."
The message was from Kat Tenbarge, a fellow journalist and Twitter mutual. I didn't know Kat personally but I was impressed by her work. Between that and the fact that she's cute, I was floored that she DMed me.
"Haha well you are the first person to DM and I'd love to go with you!" I replied, two minutes later, according to screenshots. It was true. Other people did DM me later, but Kat was the first.
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We exchanged numbers and agreed to meet at City Winery, the show venue and a restaurant that specializes in wine and cheese.
My first date from Twitter
I, chronically early, arrived first to line up in front of the venue. I had never met Kat before, and I had the same first date jitters I always did. That was on top of the classic sapphic quandary before a first date: Is this even a date?
Kat had shared photos for Lesbian Visibility Day earlier that year, so I knew she liked women, and I was pretty vocal about my bisexuality (including writing about it for Mashable), but still. We didn't explicitly say it was a date, and while I hoped it was, I also left room for the possibility that she just wanted a new friend.
Kat, chronically late as I would later learn, arrived after me. I had noticed the line's demographic and texted her how many femmes were ahead of me before I scoped out seats by the stage for us. I ordered a cocktail to ease my nerves and a charcuterie board for us.
Once Kat arrived, we chatted for a few minutes before the show started. Our conversation flowed easily before it was cut off by Conner starting his set. Afterward, we headed to a different bar near our neighborhood in Brooklyn, finding out we lived only four subway stops away from each other.
Before the end of the night, I was emboldened by the alcohol and asked if this was indeed a date. With a bright smile I've seen many times since, Kat confirmed that yes, it was a date. Emboldened even more, I asked if I could kiss her. Again, she said yes(!).
I left tipsy from cocktails and giddiness. Not only was it a great date, but I landed it through my creativity (and, fine, a little help from Twitter).
A few months after that, I asked Kat to be my girlfriend and was finally, actually done with dating apps. I deleted my accounts and the apps off my phone and never looked back — and now, we're engaged!
UPDATE: Feb. 28, 2025, 11:06 a.m. EST This article was updated to announce Anna and Kat's engagement.
Topics X/Twitter