Jared Kushner put on virgin time anal sex videoshis big boy pants yesterday and headed to the Senate to courageously testify in front of the public -- sorry, I meant: speak not under oath behind closed doors.
Monday was one of the first times anyone in America has heard Kushner speak, and boy were they treated to a show. Kushner began his brief public statement with the opening sentence: "My name is Jared Kushner," which is how I often began my penpal letters as a second grader.
The internet couldn't restrain the urge to meme.
Here's Twitter's analysis of Lil' Kushner first major public statement.
"let me be very clear: yogurt. is. too. spicy." pic.twitter.com/RqNUztcdsX
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) July 24, 2017
"let me be very clear: spaghetti is too long. i will not eat spaghetti unless someone cuts it up for me beforehand." pic.twitter.com/JgPIa1bNLf
— Mira Gonzalez (@miragonz) July 24, 2017
Kushner looks like the president of the preppy villain frat in a movie they're playing on abc family pic.twitter.com/ZXlZLMJkt0
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) July 24, 2017
these pictures make it look like kushner was just emitting a high-pitched screech for like ten minutes straight pic.twitter.com/O0GpftEhEC
— Stefan (@boring_as_heck) July 24, 2017
"I did not collude with Pop Pop."
— Diane N. Sevenay (@Diane_7A) July 24, 2017
-- Jared Kushner pic.twitter.com/I4ZDpk2vs6
"You and your little friends will NEVER save the youth center" pic.twitter.com/IvYsDe7BhT
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) July 24, 2017
"Let me be very clear: I am not going to summer camp" pic.twitter.com/XFAQi9xEWb
— Heather Dockray (@Wear_a_helmet) July 24, 2017
"Let me be very clear: Delta House must be thrown off campus!" pic.twitter.com/K4CdThZ98R
— Tucker Cawley (@TuckerCawley1) July 25, 2017
Jared Kushner is always one futura font away from starring in a Wes Anderson movie. pic.twitter.com/UXaVrQueN4
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) July 24, 2017
"I have not sought the spotlight" pic.twitter.com/zZ3rcLnsUX
— Tom Namako (@TomNamako) July 24, 2017
when you hear Jared Kushner speak pic.twitter.com/eiwiYezp4W
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) July 24, 2017
Let me be clear, I have not taken over for my father as the Green Goblin and I don't know who's been flying around on his glider pic.twitter.com/lApz448Dju
— Peter Schultz (@pete_schultz) July 24, 2017
"I did not collude with Russia." pic.twitter.com/2hpgG5AZkF
— J. Elvis Weinstein (@JElvisWeinstein) July 24, 2017
*Takes hit of helium from balloon*
— Brendan Hickey (@BrendanHickey9) July 24, 2017
"My name is Jared Kushner."
If Congress won't hold Kushner accountable, at least these dorks on the internet will.
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